5 Mistakes I Made as a First Time Mom
I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again- I am not sure there is really anything that can prepare any woman for motherhood. Seriously. I read all of the books. I listened to all of the podcast episodes. I did all of the research. Yet, I was still shell shocked when it came time to step into the “mom” role. Now that I have my second newborn, I have learned the do’s and don’ts as a mom.
As a health coach and naturally minded parent- I want to do everything possible to raise the healthiest children possible. A lot of these “mistakes” are common things that most people do with their children. Maybe it’s something you even do now- that’s okay! However, all of these either negatively impact development, milestones or mental health for baby and/or mom. Now I have learned better and you can, too!
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Swaddling
One thing that is drilled into first time moms to be is “you’ll never sleep again”. So, what’s the answer? I was desperate to find it before my daughter even came out of the womb. I thought the answer was swaddling. I knew it would suppress her startle reflex (Moro Reflex), which would enable her to not startle and stay asleep. Did you know that suppressing any reflex is actually not good? Yep- they all have a particular function and purpose. This one in particular is actually believed to be for survival and to bring baby closer to their caregiver. Suppressing reflexes can potentially lead to not achieving milestones on time, too.
I don’t swaddle my second baby and he will startle sometimes, but he remains asleep after doing so. So, I’ve learned that it was not even necessary to try and suppress that reflex in the first place. In fact, my second sleeps extremely well compared to my first born and I don’t think that is a coincidence. If you’re worried about baby being too cold if you don’t swaddle, try out a sleep sack. We use these!
Car Seat
Going out and about with my daughter stressed me out. I literally was so worried she would cry and disturb other people that I wanted her to sleep through anywhere I went. So, when she would fall asleep in her car seat, I’d feel like I hit the jackpot. I let her nap in her car seat all. the. time. What does it matter? Well, it gave her a flat head. There’s research that’s now come out that suggests that flat head syndrome can cause motor, cognitive and speech delays.
Now I make an effort to take my second born out of his car seat as much as possible. I try to baby wear him as much as possible. If you’re looking for a popular baby carrier, check this one out! I also really like my Mabe carrier!
Pacifier
My mom always told me how much I loved my paci. I didn’t want to give it up at 3 years old, apparently. Growing up, I had a very crowded mouth to the point my teeth were turned side ways just to fit. I had to have 4 molars removed just to make room in my mouth for braces. I’ve also always mouth breathed growing up and needed a lot of fillings. Simply put- my mouth was a wreck. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I was so obsessed with my paci and had all of these things happen later on in life. Pacifiers are linked to causing mouth structure problems (narrow pallet) which leads to crowding of the teeth. It can restrict airway flow and cause mouth breathing which then leads to more cavities.
My second born doesn’t take a paci. I am not going to lie to you and say I didn’t have some on hand to try out. He just doesn’t want one which scared me initially. However, it’s been so easy without one and it has led to me anticipating his needs even better since a paci generally is used to “soothe” them.
Sleep Training
Wowee. This one I hated THE MOST. There’s a movement for sleep training that has swept our nation and initially I thought it was awesome- my baby would sleep more! But ya know what- sleep training didn’t work for us and it actually made me resent her. I brought my daughter to work with me for the first 6 months and I desperately wanted her to sleep on a schedule, which sleep training encouraged. However, whenever she wouldn’t fall asleep, I’d get angry at her. I had so much anxiety and resentment toward my innocent baby that I felt overwhelmed. There’s arguments that sleep training causes psychological distress and can cause excess cortisol (stress) release in the brain which leads to brain development issues later on. Then there’s arguments that this isn’t true. Who knows? Certainly not the internet, apparently.
Sleep training just wasn’t for us. That’s the bottom line. Your baby will let you know and your intuition will tell you, too. My intuition told me to stop, so I did. And guess what- my daughter began sleeping through the night. She pretty much always has. I’ve never tried to sleep train with my 2-month-old and he will sleep through the night for at least 5 hours or longer if I let him.
Stocking the Freezer
With my first born, I was an over producer of breast milk. I could soak a shirt in an hour and it was honestly miserable. I kept pumping to relieve myself and then I’d stock the freezer with it. I’d produce too much milk, pump it out, feed baby, replenish with way too much milk. And on and on the circle went. Now, as a second time mom, I realize that this cycle led to me to continue to over produce. I never gave my body a chance to regulate. I became obsessed with stocking the freezer, too. Which made absolutely no sense because I had my daughter with me constantly for the first 6 months of her life. Every time I pumped, I needed to see at least 4 ounces in the bottles to feel like I was making enough (that is WAY too much and not necessary as I have now learned with my second born). Needless to say- it became like an obsession for me. Enough was never enough. I was hooked up to my breast pump all the time and I despised which led me to despise breast feeding for a while too.
With my second born, I have pumped as little as possible. I basically only do it with a wearable breast pump if I am feeling a little uncomfortable and I never concern myself with how much I pump. I am just following the intuition of my body and how it feels. I am not over producing this time now either. I have milk in the fridge but I couldn’t even tell you how much and that is extremely liberating for my mental health. Granted, I am very blessed to be able to breast feed my baby all day because I am home with him.
So far my second born is nearly 3 months old and we are thriving. I don’t think it is totally because I knew what to expect this time, either. I let go of all expectations and have learned to let him guide us on what he needs. I don’t want him to sleep all of the time in order to feel less stressed in general and I don’t live by a schedule. We just live life and let things be. I constantly get told how “chill” he is as a baby and I truly believe that his demeanor and great sleeping is a result of this.
If you’re a mom and you’ve found these things to work for you- that’s wonderful. I firmly believe that every baby is different and has different needs- just like any other person. But, I feel like it is important to acknowledge the potential health impacts these things can have on baby and/or mom. Whether that be negatively impacting developmental or mental health.
If you’re a new mom or mom to be, you might also be interested in the following blog posts:
